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Season Two
Episode 16
Zargtha
Join Wil and Mikey for what might be the most terrible show they will ever review, Baywatch Nights. Seriously, this episode gets LOUD. But is this show really as bad as everyone has been saying it is?
Tune in to find out.
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Check out Wil’s personal podcast RADIO FREE BURRITO
I might need to take a silver letter opener, write “Hard-G Gif, Wil” on a piece of paper, and stab it into a dumpster fire for this one.
Sure is quiet in here …
Like a lifeguard shack after midnight
Hi Miley I’m loving the podcast. Do you think you could handle the horror that is ALLEN GREGORY? (it’s not actually scary just bad)
God. I hope someday the iPhone stops autocorrecting my name to “Miley.”
And … maybe?
Mikey,
To make it up to you I’m going to leave you a review on iTunes.
Thanks.
You guys rock!!! This episode inpired me to create a new comic strip called The Cliché Dick. He won’t be blindsided by movie plot holes or overused TV concepts.
Thanks for all the free entertainment!
See, here’s the thing: No one wants to post a Hoff GIF to win a DVD set of this travesty.
No matter how fun the podcast is (and it is!) no one wants to have to explain why they have a season two set of Baywatch Nights in their house. Embarrassing!
I get the sense everyone else (wisely) didn’t do this?
http://i.imgur.com/BPkgb8B.gif
OK. Wow.
So I just watched this episode, and I have a few notes of my own (The temptation to compile ten pages was strong, but I’ll try to keep them relatively brief.)
-Seeking the death penalty in this case, assessed in isolation, feels like justice – but viewed in the light of the remarkable leniency offered to Thunder in Paradise, it feels like caprice. May it please the court, though BayNights’ sins are many, there were moments in Boat Rider when the line delivery was so poor, so shockingly bad, that I nearly abandoned the viewing entirely. I move that the lenient sentence for Messrs. Bru and Hurricane be stricken from the record, and that they be hanged by the neck until dead.
-This episode did not prepare me for the fact that LEE-LEE IS A TWENTY-SOMETHING WITH A GREASY HALF-MUSTACHE
-in light of previous, MAYBE THE ZARGLE-BARGLE WENT AFTER THE SHELTER LADY BECAUSE SHE ISN’T ACTUALLY ANY OLDER THAN THE “KIDS”
-Life is cruel in Dutchanglestan, with its frequent camquakes.
-for some reason in my mind Baywatch took place in Miami, not LA. Whoops! On the plus side, the earthquakes make a lot more sense
-Lab lady says “I know it’s a wolf, but I can’t pin down the genus” The genus is canis. It could be anything from a chihuahua to a jackal to a gray wolf or even a dire wolf, and the genus would still be canis. I guess they wanted to sound smart but they could have said “breed” or “subspecies” and that would have made a lot more sense.
-the nonsense exchange at the end is basically this:
HOFF- “why’d you let me go in there?”
COP – “because I hate you and I am objectively bad at my job”
(ok, so he really smirks and says “negligence,” but I stand by my interpretation)
I am resisting the urge to suggest shows for you guys to cover because I know that you probably already have your own lists but your podcast has such a fun format that the premise become infectious.
BTW Baywatch Nights should’ve been Baywatch Knights where Hasselhoff moonlights at Medieval Times while solving crimes.
Okay. I know this is a classic example of what TVTropes calls “Your Mileage May Vary,”
But for me, Baywatch Nights is FIRMLY in the “so bad it’s hilarious” zone.
I’ve just watched the unfrozen vikings episode, and the episode that’s basically The Andromeda Strain crossed with Lovecraft’s “The Colour Out of Space” adapted with the same skill and subtlety as they applied to this-a-here werewolf myth, and I have basically not stopped laughing.
This show is 100% solid fool’s gold.
O.k., just listened to this today (sorry, only heard about the podcast recently, and I’ve been slowly working my way through all of the episodes).
I just had to note about this one is that every time Wil said Zardoz, I kept picturing shirtless Sean Connery wearing a red diaper and hip boots running around terrorizing Santa Monica and killing homeless teens. Maybe this episode have been better if, instead of a guy in a bad werewolf suit, Connery had indeed appeared in his awesome outfit from that early ’70s masterpiece of experimental, free-form soft porn disguised as new wave SF.
I really enjoy your show, guys!
Ok, I’m currently not through the entire podcast, but I want to propose a different explanation for the origin of “Baywatch Nights”. What if Mitch died (probably drowned, while being drunk trying to eat a burger or something) and was cast down to the deepest layers of hell where he has to endure the nightmarish world that is “Baywatch Nights”?
I mean, it explains everything: the ridiculous stories, the “clever” characters, the dutch angle, the stuff that makes no sense. All of it. The show is even made so wonderfully well that we – the audience – can feel the agony ourselves. Think about it.
I feel like this is a little bit of a square peg/round hole situation, but I have some additional thoughts inspired by re-hearing this episode and I figure I might as well put them somewhere.
I think we, the modern audience, go too far in expecting the characters in our fiction to be genre-savvy. Let me explain what I mean:
In this episode Wil and Mikey get good & mad at the cops for thinking the attacker is a dog. I agree completely, as far as that goes: the “guy with a dog” theory is asinine and it leads to the even more asinine “Ah yes we had killer phantom dogs in the SEALs.”
But I do think it’s a little unfair when we expect the characters to jump immediately to “werewolf.” Because accepting that “werewolf” is a possible explanation first means accepting that werewolves are real. As viewers we’re eager for fictional cops to jump to this conclusion because we accept that werewolves are possible in their world. But what would you say if you heard a rumor that the real, actual police department in your town was actively considering supernatural explanations for real crimes? Speaking for myself, I’d lose a lot of confidence in Chicago’s Finest (… not that they deserved much in the first place).
Now, in this particular BayNights, there are mitigating circumstances: wolf tracks that only include 2 paws, and then seem to become shoe prints, for one, and a dozen previous paranormal incidents in the characters’ immediate past for another.
Still, it got me thinking about Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness. (spoiler warning. Might as well say it now)
It’s one of my favorite scary stories, but there was one part that always bothered me:
There’s a bit when Narrator and Friends have flown out and discovered the charnel horror that was Dr. Lake’s camp: a student named Gedney missing, everyone else butchered, mummified elder things dug up and removed. All through this scene the narrator is riffing on the idea of “What the fuck, Gedney?! WHY DID YOU DO THIS MAN NOT COOL BRO”
and I used to rage at him, “OBVIOUSLY THE ELDER THINGS WOKE UP! YOU ARE A MORON! POOR GEDNEY IS PROBABLY BEING DIGESTED AND YOU’RE BLAMING HIM wtf narrator?”
But reexamining it through the lens of Baywatch Nights (I bet that’s never been said before), of course he didn’t think the Elder Things did it. He literally cannot think that. It’s almost as preposterous as assuming that an excavated dinosaur skeleton could hop up and attack a dig site. He doesn’t know much about the elder things, but he knows they’ve been dead for millions of years, and he knows that death isn’t reversible. I guess it’s a complaint often levied by pseudoscientists against real scientists: that their minds are closed to impossible things. Fortunately this is only ever a problem in fiction.
My son and I watched this episode the other day and, OMG, did we laugh! This may become my new guilty pleasure TV show. I must watch the other episodes now.
In the title sequence, the shadows make it look like Hoff is wearing a cape, like he’s some kind of superhero.
What is with the constantly moving camera and the weird camera angles? Did they do that to distract people from the plot?
Is “bejeses” the plural of “bejesus?”
What’s with that Diamont Teague dude? He’s like the poor man’s Morpheus or Blade.
Born in Yugoslavia; moved to Santa Monica. Zargtha.
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